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It’s a common scenario. A moving van deposits the contents of two smaller homes - his and
hers – into one new residence. The newly joined couple stares blankly at the stacks of his and
her boxes, sofas and styles, wondering how to pull it all together.
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"We were given lots of advice on marriage," recalls newlywed Nicole, “but no advice on how Kevin
and I should mix our stuff and shop for furniture together.” No surprise there – the whole issue
is tied to recent changes in the way we live. The average age for marriage has been rising
recently, meaning more people live on their own before strolling down the aisle. Throughout these
years of being single, people develop their own sense of style and buy their own furnishings. But
when soul mates come together under one roof, so do their sofas, lamps and other household items.
Getting them to blend can literally be like matching calico and jungle prints.
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Another cultural change: the process of "setting up house" is no longer solely a woman’s job.
Today’s man is more involved with every aspect of homemaking, including decorating and purchasing
furniture. A healthy turn of events, but it sure can complicate decision making, sometimes
dramatically. “I’ve seen the best fights of my life in furniture stores,” recalls Luke, a store
manager. “Couples come in to shop, only to realize that they have completely different ideas of
what they’re looking for. The boxing gloves come out and that’s not pretty.” But there is hope –
even if she likes country casual and he likes urban chic, there are things a couple can do to make
the marriage of his-and-hers styles work.
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He prefers plaids, but she loves big florals?
Many upholstery pieces now feature a medley
of fabrics, so they can both have their way!
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Compromise, compromise, compromise.
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Relax. Stop trying to figure out what goes with what – the key is mixing, not matching. The two of you go
well together, and you’re not exactly alike, are you? Your home, like your relationship, is about you as a
couple – it’s not about someone else’s ideas or a photo from a magazine layout. Follow your instincts in
bringing together pieces that suit both your interests and activities.
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For Darby, a fan of comfortable contemporary furniture, and Drew, an antiques collector, bringing their
collections together created a look that was even more stylish than when they lived in separate homes.
“I thought he and I would never last after I saw his apartment,” says Darby. “There was nowhere to sit!
But now I love his eclectic tastes, and bringing his pieces into the same room with my white rug and modern
sofa…well, the room really makes a statement about us as a couple. About how well we go together, even though
we’re both individuals!”
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She likes refined style, but he wants a
more evocative look? Seek out pieces that classic lines with exotic details.
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Remember, the goal is to create your own shared style and a home that’s about your blended
lives. Balance is equally important – aesthetically and emotionally. Combining your two looks
creates rooms that reflect the two of you as a couple; the right balance provides the harmony
between them.
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“R.E.S.P.E.C.T.”
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Of course talking about balance doesn’t mean a thing if your mate moves in with something
that makes your skin crawl. His bright orange University of Tennessee recliner? Her “daddy’s
little princess” white canopy bed? Such pieces can inspire snide comments, sulking,
exasperation, even covert phone calls to Goodwill while one of you is at work. But no one wins
when one partner is cut out of planning a blended home. Especially if the “offending” item has
nostalgic meaning to its owner.
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So choose your battles carefully, always keeping in mind that you’re not just dealing with a
chair or a bed, but with your partner’s personal attachment to it. Avoid drawing a line in
the sand, and get creative. He may love his recliner, but that doesn’t mean it has to be in
the living room. Find a spot for it in the guest room, or his office, even his workshop. And
her princess bed? Perfect for a little girl, so put it in storage until you have a little
girl of your own, who’ll love it as much as her mother did.
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And always be aware that you’re building a blended home. Keep an open mind about your own pieces, especially
if you can tell your partner really doesn’t like them. Don’t let things from your past stand in the way of
your shared future.
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Shop ‘til somebody drops.
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Blending a few pieces from the past is one thing, but filling in the gaps by shopping for new
furniture is another. The first thing to agree about isn’t style or color – it’s budget. Before
shopping, sit down and make a list in descending order of what pieces you need most. (Sure you’d love
an armoire for the TV, but what good is it if you’re still sitting on his “dorm-room” futon sofa?)
Next, decide on your comfort zone regarding what to spend. Be realistic and flexible, but set your
limits and work within them. Ask yourself: will this be your “forever” dining room or something to
live with for a few years until you’re in a larger place? Spend freely or modestly depending on these
criteria.
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Now move on to style. It’s old advice, but it’s good advice: study sources of inspiration such
as magazines, TV shows, even the homes of your friends and family. At this point you’re only gathering
information, trying on different ideas the way you’d try on shoes before buying. Sure you know what you
like, but try on something your partner likes and see if it fits. All the while, look for common ground.
His taste may be more urban, her taste may be more casual, but – surprise! – you both like light colored wood.
Find these elements of shared taste and use them as the foundation for future decisions.
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Start looking for furniture you can both live with. If your tastes vary widely, look for
pieces that are more neutral in design and color, then layer your individual tastes onto
smaller pieces and accessories throughout the room. Or look for pieces that combine the
elements you both like. Today’s hot trend in furniture design is called “transitional,”
pieces that can easily combine elements from divergent schools of design.
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Many couples include one style-conscious person and one “a chair is a chair” person.
It’s clear who’s likely to be making most of the decisions, but the other partner needs
to be involved throughout the process. Repeat after me: “It’s their home, too.” Keep
repeating that phrase until it sticks. Let the decision maker narrow down the candidates
to two or three, then together you can decide which is best for your home and your budget,
and everyone feels like they’ve played a part in making the final choices.
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Country boy marries city girl?
Stylish silhouettes get a rustic flair
with the washed pine finish of the
Nashville Bedroom Collection.
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Shop online. Nothing frays the nerves more than trying to visit lots of furniture showrooms, fighting
traffic and crowds, only to come home without making any decisions. Furniture.com’s Room Planner
lets you try lots of things, visualize the big picture, see how things go together. Will that dinette you both love
fit in the eating area? Can you get that sleigh bed into your bedroom without blocking the closet door? How
would the living room look with the sofa on THAT wall instead of this one? The Room Planner takes all the
guess work out of these decisions, and you never have to leave your chair. And after putting together the
room you both love, with one click you’re on your way to ordering the whole room from the comfort of your home.
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There are more looks to choose from today than ever before, including an eclectic focus on
simple designs, beautiful materials and above all, physical comfort. Even if you and your
partner start out worlds apart, there are a surprising number of choices and plenty of
opportunity to find common ground. The bottom line is that building a beautiful home together
always requires communication, respect, and a healthy dollop of a sense of humor. Include all
three of these elements in your decorating plans. Apply liberally to every surface of every
room, and when your guests stop and say, “I LOVE what you’ve done with this place,” just look
at your partner and say, “well, great minds think alike.”
GH/CDR
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